I
don’t kiss on the first date.
Growing
up, I was boy crazy. I was fearless and gave my heart to anyone who wanted it.
I thought that being loved by many people felt better then feeling loved by
just one person who in return actually loved me. I trusted anyone who gave me a good enough
reason and the minute it started to not work out – I would leave. Through
situations I have noticed a change. I have this invisible guard up now that for
some reason can’t be broken down. I don’t trust as easily anymore and I have
decided that I can take care of my heart better than any guy could attempt to. It’s
the change of maybe maturing and realizing I deserve better but maybe its also
be a little of being scared that I may actually fall in love again.
I
like the feeling of being independent.
As
a little girl, I was always ready for the next stage in life. I shouldn't say
ready but that I felt ready. I rushed my childhood and just anticipated what
being older would feel and be like. I grew up to fast as my parents would say
but that statement is followed by truth. I enjoy being independent and doing
things on my own. It’s a way of me feeling established and feel like I am
accomplishing things. I have never liked someone telling me what to do and if
they ever tried I was stubborn and would purposely do the opposite. Now, I
believe that being independent is important but also knowing when to be dependent is just as important.
I
have dreams.
When
you were younger it was always a wonder what you were going to do when you were
older. My childhood dream was working in a Payless shoe store, the reason for
that, or at least I think the reason for that was because I loved shoes so
much. When I got older and really started thinking of what I wanted to do and
through life I have come up with a pretty good bucket list. I still think it
would be the coolest thing ever to be a dental hygienist. I want to complete a
triathlon before the age of 30. I want back pack through Europe
with just my camera. And if I could be good at anything it would be singing and
playing the piano.
I
don’t do well with options.
Ask
me where I’d like to go eat, what color sheets I want, really anything simple
and I can make up my mind. 98% of the time, I know what I want and don’t have a
hard time making decisions. But as far as huge decisions- that’s a lot harder
for me esp when I have options. I have set July as a big decision making
month. I have pondered a lot of things these past weeks and will continue to
just see where life takes me these next couple of months until July.
I
love this gospel.
I
have never struggled with having a testimony of the Book of Mormon or the
truths of the gospel. They are true and I know they are true. The only books that
I can get into are church books – I think reading about how to better myself is
the most beneficial reading. I am very close to my family. Wither that started
because of my knowledge of how the next life works or not, I have chosen to be
close with my family and I see the rewards of it. My relationships with my
parents and my siblings continue to get stronger the older I get and it’s been
such a blessing in my life.
As
of late:
I
am enjoying everyday just figuring out who I am. I believe that before we can
be in any kind of relationship, we need that time to truly find out who we are
and what we want in this life. We need to know what it feels like to be alone,
and be happy alone before we can appreciate what its like to be happy with
someone. That is exactly what I am doing and I am so happy. It feels good to
finally be me again.