Bucket List

A while back I wrote up my very first bucket list… well I couldn’t tell you where that thing went… So I have decided to come up with a new one! These are just some of the things I want to make sure to cross off!    

1. Go Skydiving

2. Take a trip to Australia

3. Have my very own Photography Studio

4. Go Skinny Dipping in the Ocean

5. Learn to Paint

6. Learn how to Play the Piano

7. Work on a Cruise Ship for a Summer

8. Get Married and Sealed to my future husband in the Hawaii Temple

9. Have 5 kids

10. Two of which MUST be twins! J

11. Have a family of my own one day

12. Write music

13. Be a Mission Presidents Wife

14. Live in a Foreign Country with Husband

15. Fulfill my childhood dream of working in a Payless Shoe Store! Ha!

16. Be a Flight Attendant

17. Learn how to cook very well

18. Live in Arizona

 Man, it's been a long day
Stuck thinking about it while driving on the freeway
Wondering if I really tried everything I could
Not knowing if I should try a little harder

I'm scared to death
That there may not be another one like this
And I confess that I'm only holding on by a thin thin thread

I'm kicking the curb cause you never heard
The words that you needed so bad
And I'm kicking the dirt cause I never gave you
The place that you needed to have

I'm so sad

Just sitting here, trying not to look back
Still looking at the road we never drove on
And wondering if the one I chose was the right one...

If One Day…

If one day you feel like just crying.

Call me…

I can’t promise that I will make you laugh.

But I can cry with you.

If one day you want to just run away.

Don’t be afraid to call me.

I can’t promise that I will ask you to stop.

But I can run away with you.

If one day you just don’t want to listen to anyone

Call me…

I promise to be there for you.

And I promise to be very quite.

But if one day you call me…

And there is no answer.

Come fast to see me.

Perhaps I need you.

When I read this quote I thought about my dear mom. There were some days this past semester when I would call her with tears and all she would have to say is…

“Hang in there my Lindsey Girl”

My mom holds the title of being my Very Best Friend. She and I have become very close and it seems that with the years, we only become closer and closer. This quote is very much our relationship when I am up at school. She is always just a phone call away.

This past week I was up in Colorado with all my extended family members for a family reunion. It was super fun and so nice seeing everyone. The person I was the most excited to spend time with though was my sweet grandma. My mom’s mom and I are really close. In the past 2 years she’s had many surgeries that help her to hang on. It’s been sad seeing her slowly holding on. I know it’s been very hard for her.

Three weeks ago, my family was given a scare when my grandma was rushed into the hospital and she was attached to machines to keep her breathing. They said that if she didn’t respond in 24 hours they would pull the cord and she would leave us.

As I have watched my Grandmas illness affect my mom, I am more grateful for the time I have with my mom. I couldn’t imagine my life with out my mom just as my mom can’t imagine life without her mother. No one fills the spot of a mother.

There will be that day when my mom calls me and I will say to her…

“Hang in there mom”

Today, tell your mom you love her while you still can.

I’m sure she would love a phone call just telling her how much you appreciate her.

Isn’t it interesting how true this picture is? It’s funny when you think about how much we control our own feelings. But are we really capable of turning it on and off as easily?

Lately there have been some situations where I wish I could turn that switch on so fast! I wish I was capable of diving into another relationship and would have the will and want to care about someone again. I just can not get myself to fully care. I care just enough to make the difference. Its getting the rest of it that’s seems challenging.

Then there are other situations when you wish you could just numb your feeling and not care ever again. My dad and I have always had an interesting relationship. It’s been the same type of relationship ever since I was very little. You would think by now after all these years; I would just accept it and realize things wont change. But instead I find myself still upset about it. I know that we both can try to change things but reality is people don’t change.

At the end of the day it comes down to you either feeling happy or feeling sad. Right? I mean yes, you could be angry or stressed but ultimately you are one of the two. I wish I could somehow film my “feeling switch”. I bet it goes like crazy all through my highs and lows of life.

It would be interesting if everything in life could be controlled by an on and off switch.