2013

We have all wondered at some point in our lives if the grass is indeed greener somewhere else. We have times when we want to test that statement out but fear of some kind is usually the factor in holding us back. Fear of leaving what feels familiar to us or maybe even just fear of the unknown.

In just this past year I have lived in six different states. Pride does not follow that statement what so ever. I will tell you that the grass is never greener no matter how down to earth the little town may be or even how grand you think life in the big apple would be like.

We make choices in our lives sometimes for other people that we think at the time would make a difference. We confused the statement of fighting for someone and being naive as two different things when in reality sometimes it should be classified as the same thing.

Or we have thoughts of just wanting to run away. We think life alone in a place would make us happier. The low life, simple life, would humble us and make us happier. When in fact after feeling alone, it is at that moment we want to go back.

I am no stranger to wanting to just change the cards that I have been dealt. I am no stranger to just wanting something different for myself.

But through all those moves and life lessons I have come to realize that happiness is found within. When we are at peace with the life we have, it doesn't matter if we have it all or have nothing, we won’t be happy where we are at until we are indeed happy with where we are at.

My resolution for 2013:

Finally unpack the suitcase that has been packed for to long. 

Stop Time.

I have often wondered what things would be like if I were to just stop in place. Would I enjoy a sunset set longer, would a conversation develop into something more, would I decide on my own that this may not be where I want to be in life.

We get caught up in the rush of things that time slips through our fingers and before we know it its tomorrow. Knowing we can never change whatever happened that previous day.

I had a very deep conversation with the Lord the other night and I had this overwhelming feeling come upon me. It was as if Heavenly Father was present before my eyes and I could feel his love for me stronger than ever before.

That conversation we held that night is one that I will always hold close. I remember tears coming down my face because I didn't want to leave. I didn't want this moment of feeling so close to him, to leave. I didn't want to go to sleep knowing that maybe with time I would soon get caught up in life and forget him again.

I remember wanting to just know how his day had been that day. So many times I come to the Lord in my times of need not thinking that maybe he needs someone this time instead. Did he see someone’s life change that day, was he reunited with an old friend, did I do something that made him smile that day? I just wanted to know.

Two nights later, I was in the presence of someone I care a lot about. I wanted to pause time with this person.  I wanted to just laugh and play all day because it was easier to do that then to think about the reality.  As I left him that night, I had those same feeling come over me. I wanted to just pause time because being there with him, it felt safe again. Tears rolled down my cheeks once again for the reality of tomorrow changing this moment.

If I could I would stop time.

I would stop time for those wanting just a few more minutes.

For in those few minutes of the day changing, so much can happen. So much can change. 

Let’s Talk

This week I went on a blind date. I would be lying if I said that this was my first blind date. Let me just tell you…sometimes it would be better if blind dates meant you were indeed blind. Needless to say, this date started off great. He was very handsome and had a cute charm to him. We sat down at the table and the third question this young man asked me was…

“So Lindsey, have you been in any serious relationships?”

In my mind I was thinking… well isn’t this getting personal real fast…

I answered by saying…

“I dated a guy for two years in high school; I’ve had flings since then and actually just got out of an engagement in January.”

His response…

“Ummm wow, you were engaged? That’s crazy!! Well you are kind of old so that makes sense…”

I wasn’t quite sure what to think about that statement. I was a little taken back because not only was this young man only twenty three but he was letting me know that twenty one is now considered the new old.

The dating world sure is entertaining. I have been taken on some very interesting dates. Some I will never forget because they were just that fun and some that I wish I could forget because they were just that weird.

I don’t think anyone enjoys “dating”. Yes, when it works out in your favor and they end up being your spouse, well yes its lovely but for all the thousand dates that go wrong for that one that goes right… let’s be honest… I’m starting to understand why people give up. It truly is like finding a needle in the haystack.

When I was eighteen, dating was fun. I loved looking at my day planner with Monday thru Saturday having each meal being covered by a date. It was perfect. I had a little routine and thought I had the “dating game” all figured out.

Relationships and flings have come and gone since eighteen.

I don’t have the dating game figured out like I use to at eighteen but I will say I can tell you exactly what I want in a guy and what I don’t want.

I now stand here twenty one.

I don’t know when being mature started being classified as being boring but that would be me.

I would very much appreciate if the Lord just placed Mr. Future Husband at my door step. I would promise to take great care of him and love him with everything that I have. I would never let him go and thank the Lord each day for placing him on my door step. 

If only. 

I have come to the realization that...

Its okay not to be okay.